Culture Shock is a funny thing, I’m learning. It sneaks up on you when you aren’t expecting it. I'm heading out the door to quick grab some groceries. The back of my neck starts getting tense and I can feel stress spreading across my shoulders. I stretch my neck to loosen up, then keep walking. As I get close to the store, I mentally run through my list. After living in this international city for ten months, I pretty much know what food stuffs I can get and where they’re located in the store. Thank goodness! The first couple months of grocery shopping had definitely been an adventure. For example, eggs aren’t in the fridge section and what I thought was salsa turned out to be sweet and sour sauce! But by now I pretty much have it figured out. So why are my shoulders still tense? Shouldn’t this be easy by now? By this time I’ve arrived, grabbed my cart, and headed down the dairy aisle. At this point I’ve learned it's best to stop and take a moment to figure out, “Why am I so stressed?” Then I realize it’s because I spent an hour speaking German with a neighbor earlier in the day. Now my brain is feeling pretty language-fried and the thought of speaking more German to the store staff is a bit daunting. Problem named! Now, I’ll be very honest and say right up front it isn’t always easy to spot what’s causing stress in a new culture. However, if I can’t put my finger on it, it’s probably culture shock.
German Menu. ("Speisekarte" by stachelbeer, cropped. License.)
So what is culture shock anyway? It’s a feeling of confusion, doubt, or nervousness caused when someone is subjected to an unfamiliar culture, way of life, or set of attitudes (my mashup of Google and Wikipedia’s definitions). In spite of the word "shock," it doesn't have to be a huge trauma–but can be a slow transition that comes in fits and spurts. (This is a normal process that most folks go through when they live in a different culture long term.) It’s kind of like being transformed back into a six-year-old and then asked to do all the things you’d normally do as an adult. You used to know how to go to a restaurant and order dinner, right? Now, the menu is full of words you can’t read cause you haven’t covered these foods in your language class. Ahh! Something as simple as feeding yourself immediately becomes stressful cause you don’t yet have the skills needed to complete the task. For me, culture shock experiences are most often language related. If I’m unsure of my ability to communicate in a given situation (asking where the baking soda is, filling out a customs form to mail Christmas presents to my family, or even chatting with friends after church), then it’s hard not to get stressed. Why is that? The more I experience it, the more I realize that it’s tied into my fear of depending on others’ goodwill. When I’m in a situation that I don’t know how to handle, I have to depend on a stranger for help. That’s not something I’m too used to doing as an adult. I can usually take care of myself. Yet now I can only communicate at the level of a child, so not only do I not know what to do, but whoever helps me will need to figure out my toddler speech! For example, I’m in line at our local hardware store, ready to buy some nuts and bolts. They don’t come in packs. You select what you want out of numbered bins. I get to the checkout lady and she asks me something. I have no idea what she’s saying. She graciously asks me again, and I still don’t get it. Definitely some vocabulary I haven’t had yet! I ask if she knows any English. Nope. Thankfully the attendant in the next aisle speaks a little English and calls out “You need weight.” The light bulb goes off. They sell the nuts and bolts by weight! So I race back to the correct aisle, and sure enough there’s a scale I’d totally walked past earlier. I quickly get the weight and race back. Whew! Mission accomplished! Later, I was super grateful that the attendants, complete strangers, had been so gracious in trying to help me understand the situation. (I’m guessing they prefer not to have customers who need an extra ten minutes to check-out!) If they hadn’t helped me, I wouldn’t have had the skills to accomplish my goal. This kind of graciousness has been pretty typical in my experience here in Munich. Of course, I do come across folks who have no time for my shenanigans. Such is life, right? However, I experience genuine compassion and graciousness on an almost daily basis. That’s pretty amazing. As I continue to experience people’s help in this new way, I’ve very humbled. I know I don’t always have that kind of patience.
So as I go through the process of culture shock, I’m learning that it’s not just about being uncomfortable, i.e. having “confusion, doubt, or nervousness.” Really it’s about pushing through that discomfort and getting to experience the unexpected. As I work through the stress, I ask God to help me see and acknowledge when I receive compassion and to have patience and understanding when I don’t. If I focus too much on the stress, then I totally miss out experiencing the gift of help that so many around me keep offering. It’s a pretty special gift I doubt I would experience otherwise. So even though culture shock can last a couple years (until you reach cultural and language fluency), that process, though tough, isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
Now that I've paused to reflect on what's happening, I should head to the drugstore and figure out European deodorant brands! Cheers!
Berchtesgaden. Photo by Dad.